I think I’ve come to the conclusion that most of us, myself included, just need to stop praying. I don’t say that lightly… but I almost feel that it would be better to have no prayer in our lives than the kind of prayer that most of us, myself included, have.
Now before you think that I’m going to say that the problem is that you are not spiritual, or that you don’t love God, or are lazy… let me tell you - I don’t believe that about you at all. I believe that many of you have a deep sense of spirituality, a great love of God, and yet an anemic or non-existent “prayer life” (and I really hesitate to use that phrase - as though over here we have our prayer life, and over here we have our love life, and over here our home life and over here our work life… no, we only have one life, and either it’s a life of prayer, or it’s not, either it’s a life of love or it’s not).
No, I think that the reason why we don’t have a more vital life of prayer is that we are afraid. I’ll tell you more about that in a moment - in the meantime, I want us to look together at a story that Jesus told to make a point about prayer. It’s found in Luke 18.
Jesus told them a story showing that it was necessary for them to pray consistently and never quit. He said, “There was once a judge in some city who never gave God a thought and cared nothing for people. A widow in that city kept after him: “My rights are being violated. Protect me!’
“He never gave her the time of day. But after this went on and on he said to himself, “I care nothing what God thinks, even less what people think. But because this widow won’t quit badgering me, I’d better do something and see that she gets justice—otherwise I’m going to end up beaten black and blue by her pounding.’”
Then the Master said, “Do you hear what that judge, corrupt as he is, is saying? So what makes you think God won’t step in and work justice for his chosen people, who continue to cry out for help? Won’t he stick up for them? I assure you, he will. He will not drag his feet. But how much of that kind of persistent faith will the Son of Man find on the earth when he returns?”
Jesus likens prayer to a widow- a woman, who in that day and age had absolutely no means of financial support. For her, there was no other hope- if someone robbed her of her meager savings, she was done for. Imagine how she must have felt- desperate, afraid, angry, determined- constantly, frantically pounding on the door of the only one who could save her from the one who was seeking to do her in, just seeking justice- what was right; pounding and pounding and pounding.
And how far is that from the type of saccharine prayer that we so often offer up? “God, we pray for all those who are suffering in our world. God, grant me strength to deal with my boss. God, please take care of me. God, please give me friends…”
We would do much better to yell our prayers, to beat our chests, to fall flat on our faces and scream “God… do you hear me?” But that would be undignified, unseemly, wouldn’t it?
But I don’t think that’s the real reason why we don’t pray the way that Jesus pictures prayer here. There are plenty of times in life when we are happy to appear undignified (anyone watch any reality TV lately?)
I wonder if there really is anything that we feel strongly enough about that would drive us to that kind of prayer. At one point in my life, I was a counselor, and I would sit with multiple people each week in different stages of distress, dealing with different problems. I had a client named Kim, and as I sat, listening to her life she told me how things aren’t like she wants them to be. She’d like to be financially secure, she’d like to have a good job; “manage a store” is what she said. But at the time, she was unemployed, kind of looking, but not really… and though she signed up for a computer class, she never seemed to make it; she skipped the first one, and I think every one after. I had a lot of clients like that- they said they wanted a lot of different things in life, but I had a hard time believing them, because it seemed as though they would not act to bring anything they wanted closer to reality.
I once had a friend who wanted to be married - but he was like Mike Myers in “So I Married an Axe Murderer.” He could go down the list of girls he’s gone out with once or twice and tell you what’s wrong with each one - this one also liked someone else, this one wouldn’t give him clear enough signals, this one smelled like soup, this one stole his cat, this one was in the mafia… and eventually it got to the point where he wouldn’t even ask girls out. And so when he says he’d like to be socially active, but he won’t get out there and do something… I, and his other friends, rightly challenge him and say, “We’re not sure if you really want this.”
And then the truth comes out - He does want it - but not enough. He’s afraid; afraid of heartache, afraid of rejection, afraid of hoping, and then being disappointed. It’s happened too many times and now he’d rather not even try. And I think it’s the same with a lot of people- they really do want the things they want- but not enough. They want a different life, a better life… but there’s a fear there. What if I try my hardest, and it doesn’t work? What if I get out there, and then get shot down? No- it’s better to stay right here, where at least I know the territory, where at least I know what I’m dealing with.
And so I think it’s the same with us. Why don’t we pray like the widow in Jesus’ story? Because we don’t want anything quite as desperately as the widow. And why don’t we want anything quite that desperately? Because we won’t let ourselves. Because, to want something that desperately is to open yourself up to great heartache and disappointment… What if I don’t get it?
We don’t pray greatly because we don’t desire greatly. We don’t desire greatly because we won’t let ourselves- we are afraid to hope. To risk desire is to risk disappointment- and a life of prayer is a risky thing.
And so we pray easy prayers and mistake them for mature prayers: “God, if it’s your will, please heal so and so. God, if it’s your will, please give me a wife or a husband or a friend. God please change my heart.” The problem isn’t that we want too much- the problem is that we want too little and too weakly.
The truth is, we suspect, deep down inside, that God really couldn’t care less. And we’d rather not face that suspicion, or the disappointment of hoping and not having an answer, so we insulate ourselves with weak desire, small hopes- easy prayers.
Jesus, in His parables, consistently portrays God as an unjust judge, a friend who won’t open the door for his neighbor, a harsh land owner who reaps where he doesn’t sow. In so many of His stories Jesus uses this device of likening God to a bad guy- maybe just to get His audience’s attention, but maybe to put an issue out on the table, to get it out in the open. Maybe He wants to confront us with that deep, abiding human suspicion that God is not paying attention, that He’s not listening, that He doesn’t care about us.
The picture that someone has scrawled on the inside of our hearts is that of a closed door, a dead-bolted lock, lights turned out.
And yet God says - if you will knock on that door, I will open it. But we are too afraid to test that promise… When we knock, we knock weakly.
So why doesn’t God just answer the door on the first knock? Why make it so hard? Is it to test us? Maybe - but I don’t think so.
I have a dog - and I sometimes I make him do tricks to earn a treat. Sit up- shake hands - roll over… okay, here you go. We might be tempted in reading this story that Jesus used to tell us (as it says) to that we need to pray constantly and never give up- we might be tempted to think that God is like the owner who waits for the dog to do the trick or to do enough tricks before he dispenses the treat. I think that would be an inaccurate picture of God.
Well- maybe God wants us to pray and pray and pray to make sure that we really want what we’re praying for, that we really care about those for whom we are praying. Maybe… But I tend to think that God wants us to pound and pound on the door, not to test how much we really care about that for which we pray, but to make us really care for that which we pray. To change our hearts and minds towards those around us, towards the world we are praying for, even towards ourselves.
God knows that I will be one type of person after one prayer. He also knows I will be an entirely different type of person after one hundred prayers. He wants for me the type of character that comes from caring enough about others to pray and pray and pray - even from caring enough about myself to pray and pray and pray.
Richard Foster in his book Prayer put it this way: “To pray is to change. This is a great grace. How good of God to provide a path whereby our lives can be taken over by love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and self-control.”
So- do we really want the things we say we want, do we really need the things we say we need? I wonder if our prayers show that.
Do we really care about our world, about what’s happening in the lives of those around us - about what’s happening in the hearts of our families and friends? I wonder if our prayers show that.
Pound on God’s door - bother Him morning, noon and night. “Let your requests be made known to God.” Risk desire- not just physical desire for things, but desire to see God’s hand in your life and in your world.
Pray bold prayers. Take the chance to care so much for someone that you pray for them. Take the chance that in praying for someone, God will cause you to care. Don’t wait for God to change you before you pray… trust that He will change you through your prayers.
Bob Hyatt is the lead pastor of an emerging community (www.evergreenlife.org) in Portland, Or. Just as importantly (or perhaps more so) he is the husband of Amy and the father of Jack.
Praying like the Church Fathers
I think something we can get back to are simple prayer tactics like those used by the ancients. There are numerous prayer practices such as Lectio Divina and Praying the Psalms that are reemerging in youth ministry and seminary spiritual direction courses everywhere. The great thing is, as you say, you can really search the depths of your soul and get connected for real, rather than emit grandiose words to a seemingly far off god.
Also, I think that we don’t need to DO the knocking, but we need to hear God knocking. God is clearly the one knocking, desiring relationship with us, so why don’t we answer the door. Are we too scared, are we too caught up in ourselves? My answer is yes, I see that problem in myself, but need to open the door and let God lead.
Bob, I hear you loud and clear though, I struggled for a long time with prayers that were for “healing” and “peace”. I wondered what that meant, they weren’t specific enough, BOLD enough prayers for me. I love your suggestions and pray that we can all pray boldly. God CAN.