thanks. but the bible belongs to a religion i distrust, so it does not always help to seek comfort there. if i search the book of people who claim to have all rights on “god” i am uncertain as to what “god” i find.

the story of a creator god, who crafted in love and redeemed what rebelled is one i can imagine. a figure like christ, who fit himself into smallness to reclaim my heart, i can follow.

but your premise that i not worry about calvin is not particularly helpful in light of reading the bible as you suggest. not calvin particularly, but others like him. others - like the men and women on this site even - who explore theology and the language and story of scripture. centuries of this religion of christianity - that comes from careful human reading and study of scripture - dictates that i must listen to both its leaders and the collective. the religion of christianity does not support the “get to know god on your own with the bible.” if i want to embrace the christian god, there are centuries of wise and beautiful people who carry a general consensus of what his scripture says. i would be foolish - creating my own religion in fact - if i threw out their experience and simply carried on in a collective religion on my own.

interestingly enough, my experience of practicing that read-and-be-with-god-on-your-own over the past few years is that i have grown increasingly wary of the christian god and dissatisfied with the christian church. (and i once belonged to a vibrant, non-denom, missional one with a passion for art and music). so just getting to know god on my own, has taken me farther away from christianity. the jury is still out on if that has made me farther or closer to god - i suppose it depends on your definition of god.

i am a paradox. i read over my words and they are far more hostile toward the god of the bible than i actualy believe i am. certainly when i speak of allowing my chidren to “choose god” the figure in my mind is one who created adam and eve in beauty and redeemed them painfully through christ.

i am drawn to “post” everything, in hopes that the new we discover will actually be quite ancient. and i long to leave behind the arrogance of modern formulas and hierarchical leadership. i actually want to belong to a collective, but not any that i see around me. not because their people are so fallible - i am too - but because the leadership is so messed up in its focus and execution.

as xian leaders, stop leading me and start serving me. dont bellow from your soap box, strap on a towel. stop telling me this is easier, stop telling me that if i do X then Y will occur. stop talking about how everyone else but you is lost, lame or wrong. start telling me your pain. start telling me stories. the stories of god are far more powerful than your explanations of doctrine. start listening to others seeking god/allah/buddist ideology and see where we agree. recognize that there is more that we do not know than we know. quit pretending that we dont all struggle with doubt. ackowledge that faith is hard and based on things UNSEEN! engage in a conversation so that YOU can grow too. a collective anything is a DIALOGUE not a MONOlogue.

i dont believe i want no leadership, its just i cant stand the current leadership in american religion or politics. it is a facade to prove a theory on either side. democrat/republican. conservative/liberal, fundamentalist right/hollywood left. everyone has an agenda to proove their chosen “ology” and we are left with two-dimentional set pieces instead of breathing life.

i want life that breathes with complex duality. i want joy and pain. i want the paradox of knowing and believing, of hope and doubt. i want today and yesterday and tomorrow. the only place i know to get this is in story, nature, music and art. wouldnt it be great if church became a place where this kind of life lived? but it is not going to come in “doing church better.” i am fraid the issue is far deeper and more grave. weve got to do something radiacally different. not because we will become irrelevant to “the lost” - how arrogant is that? but because we will no longer be a reflection of god.

what is it? i dont know. pride? is the church is its own worst idol? does it compete with god himself? how is what christ said to the woman at the well prophetic to us today? is this the time to worship not like that religion or this one, but in spirit and in truth? could christ-followers be the thing that god uses to “draw all men unto me?” not at the moment. right now christianity works AGAINST that, she stands and points out just who is NOT “with god” in the club - protestant and catholic alike. no wonder dawkins hates us.